Saturday, March 27, 2010

Fuck Jamie Oliver and the Shiny White Horse Horse He Rode in on

I should have known that nancy git wouldn't just leave it alone. NO! When rebuffed, self-righteousness requires that one sputter in outrage, simmer in ego-wounded denial, and depending on ones motivations, come back with a simpering, teary-eyed, whiney, they-done-me-wrong, demeanor to declare 'But-but-but. . . How could they DO this too me?! I mean, I'M RIGHT, after all!' *Climb-up onto your pre-fab Cross and hang your head at the appropriate angle for maximized martyrdom* 

Melissa at Shakesville hit's all three nails on the head for Jamie's little Media Self-Crucifixion Extravaganza. Why it's so pathetic, so plastic, and so lovingly fortified with plenty of fat-hate baked right in. The one thing she missed though- the one thing that's pretty easily missed as that EVERYBODY seems to miss it, is the fact that Jamie Oliver is a Chef. NOT a nutritionist. NOT a Doctor. NOT, in anyway, qualified to dispense medical advise to ANYBODY! It's the 600Lbs Gorilla eating cupcakes in Jamie's room. The 3 ton Mastodon in Jamie's head would be his belief that HE knows what's good for everyone and what everyone needs. Not all that uncommon anywhere these days. You might even call it an epidemic if you where so inclined. As far as that warm and buttery feeling of well known Food-Rock Star Personalities who, just, don't like fat people? Well, Little Jamie, ain't the only one. There's whole servings of formerly-fat-now-just-hating-ON-fat and plain old, [*WARNING* Possibly triggering link ahead->]  outright, fat-hate going on in the FoodTV world. And to think I used to think Anthony Bourdain was interesting. Now he's just a classist prima dona, with an overinflated sense of self-importance. I refuse to have anything he's ever done leave slime trails on my website, including that YouTube clip. 

As for little Jamie? Here's what I had to say about THAT Bobby Flay, never-could-be-but-still-wanna, two months ago in a private forum- 

You know what? Screw Jamie Oliver. He of the 'Scared Straight' camp. TELEVISING the autopsy of a man who he feels "ate himself to death"? Asinine zipperhead. Oh, but Jamie knows what it's like to be fat too. How? Well, he wore a fat suit once. But let it not be said that he doesn't have a sense of humor about the whole thing.-

He clutched a brace of burgers in his sausage-like fingers before climbing aboard a motor scooter which duly buckled under his weight.

-So, did wittle Jamie feel like an outcast? Was he ignored and vilified? Told to get out of town? And did it make him feel like shit? Good. Welcome to the world of 'Other'. Lots of the 'waddling lard-tub(s)', as your promotion machine (The Daily Fail) puts it, already live here and, being fat, we don't like to share. So when you get to the city limits, do us a favor and keep going. Cry your way to a nice airport and get on a plane. Bu-bye

Jamie. . . . Bubbie. . . . You. Are. Not. All. That. Important. 

Now wipe your nose and get back on the plane before one of us big, brutish, Yanks bumps into you and bruises your tender little ego some more.  


As a relief from all the pretentiousness, I present the Charlie Brooker's thoroughly brilliant analysis of Jamie's pushy, nose-in, priggishness in UK.-


Muzak Therapy:
Chaka Khan/ Any Love


  1. Thank you. I was a political site trying to say that this show is fat hating, and all I got was more typical he's a geniuns, he's going to save the fatties from themselves, claptrap. I tried to fight back, but just ended up hating myself.

  2. Well, that would be th main problem I've got with Jaimie. Lose the pretentious attitude, lose the fat=disgusting spin, lose the 'your too fat to know what's good for you' superiority, lose the dramatic 'UR GONNA DIIIIEEEE!1!1!' hysterionics, and you don't end up with much but what you have got isn't half bad. My problem isn't with teaching people how to eat better. Jaime and I actually agree that schools feeding children crap and trying to pass it off as food is a practice thar needs to stop. My problem is with Jamie himself. He's the worst kind of Concern Troll; a Concern Troll With a Camera Crew. He has no concern for the health of ANY of the people he's talking AT in his program. He just hates or hates to look at fat people. And THAT's my problem with Jamie Oliver