Looks like this is starting to turn into one of those once-in-a-while, type, things. Well, que sera, sera.
SOOOOO much has gone on in the Interwebz of Fat since I last found my way here. It looked, for a minute, like Big Media might actually have something relevant to say in re; fat people having Emotions, Feelings, Problems, and ya know, Lives. Basically all that good shit most folks just assume fat people don't have because all we ever see on TV is this and this. But not this,. . .
Or, oh Grod never, this. . .
[On a, tenuously-related, note; Screen caps here because these images seem to have been scrubbed from the interntz. If they ever existed anywhere but the episode in the first place. See; The Google Proof for further examples of the marginalization of fat people].
Unfortunately, it seems we are unlikely to see where this TV show could have taken us as that it's been canceled. Despite having out-rated other new shows on the ABC Family line-up and the positive buzz it generated.
I encourage anyone who might be reading this and able to appreciate what the show was really about, to let the networks know. Sign the petition or hit Facebook. Now, onwards to the subject at hand, but first a message re; our inspiration-
I've mentioned before but not nearly enough how, fucking, amazing The Rotund is. When it comes to what living fat in a fatophobic world really means, MK is a total pyromanic. Lighting fires with her remarkable eloquence, and incredible intelligence. I really wanna be her when i grow up. Case in point; Fatties Have Sex.
As MK, notes, this ain't an easy subject to broach for a number of reasons, not all of which are particular to being fat. After all, as puritanical in it's mores as this country still is, and despite our varied perversions, we'll probably never be fully comfortable talking about sex or sexuality in any way, form, or fashion. Hide it from the from sight, shield the children from any concept of it's existence, block all thought involving the probability that everyone you know, is having, will have, or HAS had sex with someone else. That they have, occasionally, pleasured themselves at some point as well (Yes, even Tea Party members do it. Well, except for, maybe Chistine O'Donnell who seems to get off on stroking her own ego instead). However, the disgust society reserves for fat people in general does not play an insignificant role in making it that much harder for us to talk about anything, vaguely, sexual. Brian at Red No.3 relates how complete exclusion of fat people as sexual beings from societies awareness has even effected our language. To the extent that we may not even have the ability to express or discuss it properly. He touches on how people, particularly men in my experience, who are drawn to or have a preference for fat partners are often described as 'fetishests'. A term which, like 'obesity', adds an almost clinical spin to any conversation and is most often associated with deviance. 'Cause, as everyone knows, anyone interested in a fat sex partner, must be just, fucking, strange -full stop. MK actually dropped one of my favorite posts on this subject over a year ago and I find it still very powerful today.
All of this as a means to point out how difficult it can be for fat folk in general, to actually get over the hump of actually talking about humpin-. . . (No, not going there). Well, that, and as a personal stalling tactic too. See because, difficult as it is for fat women to venture into this sometimes, completely unexplored conversational territory, for men it can be much like getting a bad molar pulled. Hard for the puller and really uncomfortable for the pullee.
Sex is GOOD. FSMDamn, is it good when we can get some of it. And I suppose that this might be seen as one of the problems that crop up when you consider the complexities of gendered relationships in humans. For men it's often a preoccupation bordering on obsession (can you say; The Porn Industrial Complex? It's been around since the dawn of history [Oh look! She's fat!] so I figured you could) and we sometimes tend to view it as a thing we can possess with the 'winner' being the One Who Gets the Most. A goal to be achieved (GOT it!. . . Next!) or as a tool / strategy / weapon to be used against The Other (Thus completes my vague, half theory half opinion, on one of the possible drives behind rape). Take it up a several levels, add the extremely powerful variable of fat to any part of the equation, and things get kinda nutz.
Generally speaking, being fat and seeking / having sex / a sexual relationship for men can be, very much, like the difficult experiences I've seen described by many fat women. Now, I realize that to relate them as equally difficult is to ignore the power of a male dominated society which is, at best, privileged or ignorant and at worst willfully ignorant (read; stupid) or malicious. But we do suffer many of the same hang-ups (She/he CAN'T be into me. I'm FAT.), performance anxieties (What if I can't go-all-night / pretzle myself into THAT position or start sweating / drooling / whatever?), and body issues (No jiggling. S/he'll get grossed out. My beer gut will get in the way. They MUST be gay / experimenting / desperate 'cause my butt/thighs/tits are bigger than theirs. Lights out! Couldn't handle any laughter when/IF I take off my boxers / briefs). As with women, these things often matter less than we think they do. Men are just, culturally, trained to think / care about them less. That is, until The Moment of Truth. Usually right after mutual interest has been confirmed for the first time or we suddenly find ourselves alone in a room with an, obviously aroused, partner. Then it's Panic Time. Believe me, the Romance Novel version of a guy who can sweep a sex partner he's only just met, off their feet, into a bed, and straight to the peak of Mt, Ecstasy like it was opening a can of soda, is just that; Fiction. Those that have the appearance of being able to do it that easily are either very good at concealing their emotions or are so self-obsorbed that none of this even occurs to them. If your into that, knock yourself out. Here's to hoping you don't wake up to something unpleasant/ expensive / you could do without.
For most human beings* sex is a necessity and, since fat people are human beings, we have sex to (Radical, no?). Fat women and fat men have sex with thin people, inbetweenies, and with each other. You might not like this but Reality really doesn't require your approval. So, wether you'd rather not think about it or are so fatophobic as to believe that it shouldn't be, there is really only one thing you can do here; Deal with it. However, as fat people living our lives, our options are much more varied. You get to deal with that too. Unfortunately, so much of sexual tastes re; men is bound up with bonding amongst each other. To me, this seems so counter-intuitive. I mean, get ten guys into a group, and no two will concur on the single 'hottest' media packaged 'Babe'. All that says to me is that diversity in preference not only exists, it's ubiquitous. 'Mousey, blue-eyed, brunettes, with perky breasts, skaters calves, porcelain skin, and pierced, but no Tatts.' are not attributes ALL men are going to find appealing. The amount of variation within this LIMITED set of, purely physical, attributes is enough to insure that no two men will find any two models similarly appealing. Yet, the whole equation changes when you add 'Fat' to the mix. Why? Because certain individuals don't like it. When has that EVER mattered? And why do we, as men or as people really (there are women who think fat admirers, male / female, weird), LET it influence us to such an extent? These are some of the questions I'd like to have answers to in re; sex & attraction.
REF DESK (Or; People who are MUCH better at talking about all of this then I am)
Big Big Love by Hanne Blanke
Not exactly the Karma Sutra for fat folk (Primarily because it's not illustrated. Damnit!) but one of the THE BEST books I've ever read on the subject. The author deals with positions, hang-ups, and many of the concerns / questions surrounding sex and love for larger bodies in a frank and sincere manner. A must-read for Fat Lovers and Lovers of fat everywhere.
I've been reading Shannon's stuff for years and she does not mince words. The occasional Troll or three perhaps but minced words? Never. From what I've read there aren't that many things occupying the higher orbits of sexual enquiry, that she wouldn't, at least, be willing to discuss (I've never run across any scat chat but, of course, the illegal or physically / mentally damaging needn't bother entering the room much less trying to sit at the table). She gets that fat people have sex (duh) and runs something of an question / advice column through the site. As, I think she would say, 'Ask your sexytimes questions, Lovelies. Answers may inform / titillate'.
*(there are also people who can live without sex entirely but, since I'm not one of them, I'm can't speak to that. At least, not beyond acknowledging the reality of asexual or nonsexual people completing the diverse spectrum of human sexuality)
Dire Straights / Tunnel of Love